After last night, I could never be a politician.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The best revenge is premature balding
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
