I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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