Little spoons don't ask big questions
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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