Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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