just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
