you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
