who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
