Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
