stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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