EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
