I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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