There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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