Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
