definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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