You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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