Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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