i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
