i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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