i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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