found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
