Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
