Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
