If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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