i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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