every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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