I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
