Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
