WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
