Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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