she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
