I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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