It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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