2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
