Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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