You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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