as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
