my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
