I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
