My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
