She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
