Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
