Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
