first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
