Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
