erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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