Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
