Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
