Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
