You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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