tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
